Missing in action . . .

I have been missing in action from this blog. Not from life though. 

Not sure where to start this morning.

September 5 was our 44th wedding anniversary.

My 10th one alone.

So many memories flooded my heart and soul.

Still do. 

I don't talk as much about Rick these days. 

Not even on social media. 

BUT he is always on my mind, always in my heart. 

And my spirit always misses his presence in my life.

I think the settledness of widowhood has somehow creeped upon me, and now holds me. 

Holding me not in a wallowing way, but almost a comforting way.

Where there is joy in the memories, even more than the tears. 

Where there is a thankfulness to be alive, even with the ache of being alone. 

Where there is a moving forward, even in knowing that I am alone - and in a strange way, being ok with that. 

I was blessed with a weekend trip to see our daughter and her family on a September weekend. Rode with our son, grandson, granddaughter and her new husband. So much laughter that my sides and tummy took a few days of soreness to recuperate! LOL

On that trip, I was doubly blessed to see our Marine grandson, who I had not seen in almost 3 years! Hugs and more hugs . . . with more than a few Grannee tears. 

Back here at the apartment, I have been dealing once again with weeping edema. 

Only this time it became infected, and then the medication I was using gave a chemical burn on it all. 

8 weeks of absolute misery and horrible pain. 

But then, relief.

2 very wise and caring horse-women gave me 2 pieces of advice/counsel - to at least try. 

1. Use Monistat cream to stop the infection. I did that for 3 days - and it worked wonders! 

2. After the worst of the infection had stopped, use a baking soda and salt mix in warm water. Soak my leg at least once a day. Oh my! I could not only feel the change, but see the difference morning after morning! 

And now, after 8 weeks - my leg has new baby pink skin on it, and such a small place left that I don't even have to wear a bandage! 

I also broke my left foot. UGH.

Getting in the car, and the door shut on my foot - took me a few seconds (which felt like an hour) to get the door open again. 

Broke my 2 last toes and the bone going down the side of my foot.

That was almost a month ago now. 

The pain has been intense, screaming at me more than not. 

Thankfully I have been able to find a few moments of relief - and let me tell you, when that moment of relief comes? I am so hesitant to even take a deep breath! 

In the time since my last blog, I have been doing a major work of deep introspection - into my life, into my heart and mind.

Working through some past moments, and future fears. 

Asking some hard questions and finding some harder answers. 

Doing a LOT of praying. 

I will be writing about some of this in the days to come. 

Just trying to put things into perspective for myself before I write - hoping that when I do write, it doesn't come out as jumbled as it feels. 

So, for now, this is a quick update and a reporting back to duty ;)

Not sure if anyone is following and reading this blog - perhaps it's just a soft witness to my life, for myself. 

But either way - I'm back :)