Even if ... the healing doesn't come ...God is still God.

6 days to surgery ... and counting ..."EVEN IF" has been "my" song for a long time, but never more so than now ...I know with every fiber of my being that God has all this ... He holds me ... HE is in absolute and total control ...But - I am scared.Cancer.

4 days and counting down ... we are leaving for MDA on Tuesday.I have LOTS and LOTS to do before leaving ... knowing that not only are we going to be gone almost 2 weeks (at least), but that in coming back I will be on REST and not allowed to do much of anything for a while. Sigh.

While we wait ...Watching movies ... some are good - The Light Keepers. Excellent movie! Some aren't so good ... OMW! What some say and show! We have stopped at least 2 movies in the last few days less than 30 minutes into because of language and scenes. OMW!!! Some things just are TOO much!!! Phone calls ... visiting with Rick's parents ... Chris, Mandy and the kids came down for a visit.

I'm sorry that I haven't been able to blog the last few days.

Rick is doing ok.

I have had my first appointment with MD Anderson. My doctor is Michael Frumovitz ...

Forgive me if this is a long post ... there is a storm of thoughts and emotions today.Rick met with the orthopedic specialist on Wednesday.

After days and weeks of forms and applications and faxes ... I got the call from MD Anderson yesterday morning -- I have been approved for 100% financial aid for care there!!!

Rick saw the ortho yesterday. Yes, complete tear - about 2 cm long. Surgery is required to fix it.

Not being the most patient person (understatement I know) - it is getting increasingly difficult to "wait patiently" ... sigh.Thank you Bro. Jeremy for the conversation a couple of days ago - it really helped me to know that the more correct translation is not to wait "patiently" ... as in sitting still and quiet.

2 weeks into the cancer diagnosis - and I feel no closer to anything... sigh.I have no insurance on me - we just have not been able to afford it.

We went to Dr. Cutrell yesterday afternoon for a follow up visit on the MRI of last week. Torn rotator cuff - complete tear.

9th day after diagnosis ... Uterine Cancer.Still no appointment set with an oncologist.Still frustrated, discouraged, scared to death.Still trusting in the Lord to hold to me!!!The last few days have been nothing less than a wild and horrible roller-coaster ride of emotions.Guess that is to be somewhat expected at a time like this ... already dealing with major kidney injury and renal failure (Rick) ... a torn rotator cuff (Rick) ... and then to get the news that I have Uterine Cancer.

Rick went Monday to Open Imagining in Greenville to have an MRI on his shoulder.

We have had our "buzzard" moments in the last several weeks ... but yesterday was a true "BUZZARD DAY" ... sigh. I used to have a sign above my desk that had a picture of an old buzzard, and underneath it -

Suckered punched.

I have been trying to rest and wait ... the waiting for results is the hardest part!

Rick got me to the hospital yesterday morning at 7 a.m. Nurses got me prepped and ready for surgery. Dr. Tris stopped by and talked to us a little about the sonogram - he said that he didn't see any cancer.

After the blood report came back on me - should be a total count of 12, and it was 5 - Dr. Tobin ordered me to the hospital as an out-patient yesterday for 3 units of blood. We got there at 8 a.m. and by 12:30 p.m.

Deep breath ... It's not all good.

We went to the lab at the hospital yesterday morning.

A word about me ... If you read this and don't mind reading too much information (for some) ...Please say a prayer for me ... I need wisdom and direction about what to do for me. 

A "minor" gout attack kept us at the house a couple of days. Course, Rick wouldn't call any gout attack "minor"! The only reason I said "minor" was because he was still walking! Pain and discomfort, but I have seen him with gout so bad that he couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't stand to lay down and have his foot touch the bed, certainly couldn't walk thru the house without crying out in pain. Thankfully, this attack was not near that bad. A couple of days of drinking more water, eating fresh and canned cherries (not pie filling) and resting it up - and he feels better. Thank you God!!! The heat is still taking its toll on both of us. Doesn't take long in the heat to drain us and make us exhausted!  We have been talking more seriously about losing the weight and getting in better shape. It's hard on the road, but not impossible.

I have not forgotten to write here ... just didn't know what to write.