Widow weekends

Saturdays were always the days that Rick and I worked around the house, unless we were doing some kind of exploring or adventure.

Rarely did we get together with family or friends on Saturday, sometimes – but not very often.

These were the days for catching up on yard work and house work, or projects.

Spending time together working at the house.

Or out at garage sales. 

Or doing the shopping for the coming week. 

Sundays were church days, and then more than not – family times in the afternoon.

Visiting his parents, or my Momma, or Granny McCoy.

If we had seen them on Saturday, then Sunday afternoons were for napping.

On rare occasions we would take a short road trip between church services.

And now.

Knowing how we were then, and understanding the work schedules of others – I try to not impose, interfere, or invade, anyone on Saturday or Sunday.

But the memories are heavy on the weekends.

And the lostness is more overwhelming than not.

LORD, how do I do these weekends better? Different?

There are times that I am Blessed to see the kids and grandkids, spend some time with them - and I oh so greatly treasure those times! 

Every so often there will be somewhere to go, or something to do, on the weekend. 

But most often, I am here. 

Alone.

Kinda just wandering through these 48 hours. 

Most lost than not. 

I have a few projects that I work on. 

I watch a few older sitcoms. Can't seem to get involved in a movie these days - perhaps that will change. 

I work on my website and blogs - wondering if these writings are just for me, my therapy? Or perhaps someone will find them and be touched, encouraged, feel loved on & understood, by these out pourings of my heart, mind and soul? 

These are the lazier days of sleeping past 3 or 4 am - waking around 5-6 am. No rush to get the day started. 

Enjoying an extra cup of coffee while listening to the birds sing, and the day break open. 

And still, I wander through the steps of this apartment, or outside - wondering who I am. 

Thoughts of my past, and my future, collide into the mess of weekends. 

GOD, I ask for sweet surrender and serenity to accept the things I can neither change, nor do.

GOD, I ask for the courage, with strength and determination, to do and to change all that I can.

GOD, I ask for the wisdom, with understanding and insight and clarity, to know the differences.

GOD, I ask that YOU will order my steps and direct my paths.

GOD, I ask to see the LIGHT for my way.

In JESUS’ NAME I ask it all . . . crying out to YOU . . .

GOD, how I need YOU . . .