Suckered punched.
That is exactly how we feel right now.
A punch out of nowhere, and for no good reason (that we can see).
Appointment on this past Thursday with Dr. Tris ... 3:15 p.m.
We got there a little early, filled out paperwork.
Sit and wait.
Others are seen.
My emotions are straining with every minute passed on the clock.
Dr. Tris has been my doctor for over 30 years ... yet, this is the one time, he doesn't speak to Rick, or to me.
He won't even look at us. ???
A premonition of something wrong is growing by leaps and bounds.
Finally ... Linda calls me back.
I am weighed.
She asks more questions.
I am trying to answer them as calmy - and as quickly - as possible.
She alludes to something we do not want to even consider, let alone hear ... "C" ... sigh.
I am led to a room.
Left alone with Rick.
We talk - "what if it isn't good?"
At this point we can't even bring ourselves to say the word "Cancer" ...
waiting ... waiting.
Door opens, we are expecting Dr. Tris.
No.
It is Linda.
She comes and stands in front of me ... no ceremony, no delay any longer.
I am told that I have "Uterine Cancer".
Looking at her, she is waiting for me to fall apart.
Not my way - not now, not here.
What do we do?
How do we do this?
First, the pathology report.
"Non-invasive" ... meaning that it is only in the lining of the uterus.
Not in the wall of the uterus.
"Cervix is clean" ... the cancer has not spread to the cervix.
(Which later we find out means that at this point that would put this cancer between a 0 and a 1. The worst is a 5.)
"Non-metastic" ... meaning that it is not some other kind of cancer in the uterus.
It is uterine cancer.
There is no staging at this point ... and no firm numbers.
Next, prognosis.
Hysterectomy without question.
However, since there is Cancer - Dr. Tris doesn't want to do the surgery.
He doesn't want to take a chance on missing something, or on doing anything wrong in this.
So, I am being referred to a "gyno-oncologist".
The problem is - I have no insurance.
So, the oncologist that works with Dr. Tris, probably will not accept me.
There are some options, and Linda said that she was going to do all that she can to get me in as quickly as possible to someone, somewhere.
Sigh.
Sounds like it might (not likely tho) be Baylor, more likely Parkland, and even more likely M.D. Anderson in Houston.
The good news?
A hysterectomy will most likely take care of the problem.
Little to no radiation or chemo.
IF - and a great big IF - the oncologist agrees with the pathology report, and once the surgery is done, the pathology on the hysterectomy concurs with this preliminary report.
If - and again, a great big IF - the grade is low (meaning a slow growing cancer) and the stage is no higher than a 2 (and it has to be in the cervix to be a 2) ... then the survival rate is 90% even after 5 years.
So, now ... we wait ... wonder ... trust in the Lord ...
Uterine Cancer
As I wait on Linda to call me and tell me where I am to go - who the gyno-oncologist is ... I research.
Not wanting to be ignorant of this beast that is growing inside of me, turning our lives upside down and inside out ... I research.
Mayo Clinic ... National Cancer Institute ... American Cancer Society ... any well-known and reputable site that has anything about Uterine Cancer.
**About 50,000 new cases of uterine cancer are diagnosed every year in the United States.
One of the fastest growing cancers in America.
But sadly, one of the least funded, least researched cancers in the world!**
**The only reliable test for uterine cancer? A DNC and biopsy. At this time.**
**What are the symptoms? None at first, and some women have no symptoms until well-advanced.**
Linda told me that I have several things working in my favor --
...no tampons used.
...I do not smoke or drink or do drugs.
...no sex outside of marriage with Rick.
...and I am overweight - not horribly, but enough that thru all this, my body has a reserve to draw from.
The things against me?
...I am a female.
...over 45.
...white.
...my mother had uterine cancer.
...and I am overweight.
In this I have come to a conclusion, and I have a Word from the Lord to support me - my heart is pure, my conscience is clear.
I didn't do anything to do this to my body.
God knew that the "if only's" would literally drive me insane ... so, He took them away before I could be tormented by them.
The Word that supports this?
Psalm 35:7 ... "Since they hid their net for me without cause and without cause dug a pit for me ..."
God gave me verses 1 - 10 yesterday morning as a lifeline to hang on to ... and believe you me - I am HANGING ON!!!
I do not understand why I have to have cancer ... why I have to go thru this ... but - God knows all.
This may have suckered punched us ... but it didn't take God by surprise!
Joshua told me Thursday night that he knew God was going to take care of me thru it.
That God was going to heal me - one way or another.
Either here on this earth so that I could have more time with my family and to serve Him - or He was going to heal me by taking me home.
Joshua said, "Momma, between you and me - if God decides to take you home, He and I are going to have some words!"
God, love my son!!!
My son is afraid.
And so am I.
My daughter is afraid.
And so is my husband.
But in being afraid - we are also trusting in the Lord with all our heart, leaning not on our own understanding.
In all these ways, we are going to acknowledge Him.
Knowing that His promises are true and for real - He will direct our paths and make them straight.
At one time I had a picture on my wall. It was an old buzzard standing there, glaring ... underneath it said -"51% Sweetheart, 49% Bitch ... don't push it!" I got teased and picked at about that ... but it sure means a lot to me now ...
51% Trusting in the Lord ... 49% Scared to Death ... don't push it! Sigh.
When our kids were little, there were many times they would have a bad dream or a nightmare, or just be scared of the dark.
They would come running to daddy and momma.
We never hit them, screamed at them, or pushed them away.
Never condemned them.
We wrapped our arms around them, held them close to our hearts, and loved their fears and worries away. Usually singing over them, or talking to them, finding a way to make them smile and laugh.
If we being evil by nature know how to do good to our children, how much more does our Heavenly Father know how to do good to us?
Just because we are scared to death doesn't mean we aren't His children, or that He doesn't love us anymore. He isn't going to "send us away" from His presence because we are scared.
He gathers us into His arms, holds us close enough that if we listen - we can hear Him singing over us, we can feel the beat of His heart, the rise and fall of His breath.
Be scared to death.
But be still in His arms.
Add comment
Comments